Here are some extra coaching questions to help you discerning what’s within your control or influence and what is beyond your control or influence. In several of the categories I’ve included questions that are similar but take a slightly different perspective. Try them out and observe which types of questions support your learning and understanding.

Work out before you start what’s meaningful to you about this problem, challenge or opportunity:

• What makes it worthwhile to deal with?
• What is your aim? What are your objectives in dealing with it?
• What do you want to be able to do as a result of dealing with this problem, challenge or opportunity?
• How will being able to do that add meaning to your life?
• Where would the impact of dealing with this challenge (problem or opportunity) show up in your life?
• What would it feel like to be able to deal with this challenge?
• Are you aiming for something positive and meaningful, or to avoid something (such as pain or disappointment)? If the latter, how can you reframe it to be something you’re aiming for?

What is within your control or influence and what is beyond your control or influence:

• In your own situation what can you control directly?
  • What knowledge could help you increase what you can control? (Similarly for skills and resources)
• What would you like to be able to control?
  • How realistic is that?
  • How do you know? (What evidence do you have?)
  • What would that look like?
  • What makes it important to be able to control that?
  • What would that control enable you to do in relation to your goals, or even to your larger goals?
• If you can’t control things on your own but they are controllable who or what else would help?
• What can you influence?
  • What knowledge could help you increase your influence? (Similarly for skills and resources)
• What is beyond your control?
  • What impact do those factors have on you?
  • How significant is the impact?
  • How does your ability to control or influence the factors change with time? Experience? Skills? Resources?
  • What could you do to reduce or change the impact on you?
  • How can you support yourself to accept that you cannot control this factor? (This is especially important if the factor has a significant impact, or is something you may be attracted to subconsciously trying to control.)

Part 5

If you’re surprised by your answers to the questions: “Where are most of your efforts currently focussed?” and “What impact are they having?” try asking yourself:

• What assumptions are you making about the situation and your abilities or resources? How can you test the validity of your assumptions?
• How would reframing the problem change what you can control or influence?
• How could you break down the problem?
• What skills could you learn – or bring into your team – that would change your ability to control or influence?